Hunting for adore: The studies and Tribulations of online dating sites in Japan

I quickly realized that finding love in this country was not going to be an easy task when I moved to Japan about five years ago.

By Sara whom Apr 17, 2016 4 min read

Once I relocated to Japan about 5 years ago, we quickly recognized that finding love in this nation had not been likely to be a facile task. Many western males we came across had been either homosexual, in a relationship or just thinking about Japanese ladies. Used to do find guys that are japanese attractive, nevertheless they would not approach me personally, being notoriously timid around international ladies. I possibly could sometimes identify a flicker of great interest, for the most part, before they went away.

The courtship procedure in Japan puzzled me personally. From the things I collected from my Japanese girlfriends, it appeared to include plenty of passiveness, indirect interaction, txt messaging, misunderstandings and persistence. After wasting months subtly pursuing some guy at the job simply to find out he previously a gf, we stop the way that is japanese and bento making, additionally described by my buddies being a boyfriend magnet in Japan.

The courtship procedure in Japan puzzled me personally.

Two of my solitary guy that is western suggested online dating sites – so long as I wasn’t trying to find anything severe. I became not used to the internet scene that is dating a small hesitant in the beginning. That has been right right back into the times before Tinder shot to popularity and internet dating wasn’t as socially appropriate. After having a especially gloomy weekend, I made the decision that some no strings connected action sounded much better than no action at all. We joined up with Japan Cupid, a dating internet site and started combing through pages of creeps, charisma guys and thankfully, potentially interesting Japanese guys.

To my shock, i acquired a large amount of attention, particularly through the extremely shy and evasive guys that are japanese. Concealed behind their computer displays, they might now properly approach me personally. Many had been also pretty worldwide, could talk English and had been looking an opportunity to satisfy non-Japanese individuals. Overall, I’d state that they certainly were additionally more gentlemanlike than their western counterparts & most didn’t make me feel these were just shopping for intercourse. Some additionally reported become to locate buddies and even language lovers; though I’m not certain why they might be on a dating website should they are not also shopping for another thing…

We quickly discovered myself dinner that is having a sequence of appealing Japanese men – exactly the same ones that will never ever approach me prior to. Many first times were a little nerve-wracking, when you are most likely conference a total stranger or possible psychopath, but getting to learn one another had been really simple. If discussion subjects went away, we’re able to constantly speak about life in Japan or abroad, or worse situation situation, just exactly how good I happened to be at utilizing chopsticks. In ways, being from different social backgrounds made it more straightforward to find items to speak about.

If my times were constantly really friendly, it absolutely was often difficult to inform in me or not if they were interested.

If my times had been constantly extremely friendly, it absolutely was often difficult to inform should they had been enthusiastic about me personally or perhaps not. Where western dudes would maybe you will need to kiss you goodnight or try to invite by themselves for a night time coffee, Japanese dudes would awkwardly shake your hand, for the most part. We never ever had to help make the very very first move back, but We quickly comprehended that I would have to put on my big girl pants if I wanted anything to happen on the first date. After a hardcore and manly karate coach switched as a pink shaking mess once I invited him back once again to my destination, it became obvious that a discreet approach could work better. I realized hand keeping and dark karaoke bins did miracles with shy Japanese dudes, providing them with most of the signals had a need to take things further, in other words. Using you on an informal walk through Dogenzaka, also referred to as enjoy resort Hill in Shibuya.

Something that amazed me the absolute most ended up being that internet dating had been not just for casual hook-ups plus one evening appears. I had my fair share of fun though I admit. Some dudes had been truly interested in a relationship, but discovered it hard to fulfill individuals the old-fashioned means, particularly when they certainly were enthusiastic about foreign girls. We did end up meeting three of my boyfriends on the internet and about 50 % of my buddies additionally came across their other halves the same manner.

But let’s be truthful right right here, if you should be to locate a lot more than the tryst that is occasional Kabukicho, internet dating will frequently bother you. For just one, it will take time for you to find quality matches, specially on Tinder. You will probably get share of disappointing times… but often, additionally, you will fulfill a guy that is great could make all of it worthwhile.

Popular dating apps and internet sites in Japan


Positives: free, enjoyable, endless matches, swipe right to state yes and left to say no, match very very first then message, great to help keep the creeps away. Negatives: time intensive, very small information to carry on.

Ok Cupid

Positives: free, long profiles, search individuals centered on compatibly or particular requirements. Negatives: plenty of creeps and attention that is unwanted.

Japan Cupid

Positives: plenty of option if you should be a having to pay user, non-paying people can contact having to pay people, lengthy pages. Negatives: a little costly, several unsavoury men.